yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
