you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
