Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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