I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
