I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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