so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize