oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
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