So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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