dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
