I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
