This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
