you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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