i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
