I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
