i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
