he tried to breastfeed my turtle
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
