you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
