I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
