Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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