Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
