On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
