I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
