The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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