Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
