so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
