Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
