if you like me you must not know who I am
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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