Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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