im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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