I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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