Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
