I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
