I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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