I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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