I never want to see another naked old woman again.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
