she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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