sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
the night ended with taco bell and tears
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Randomize
