my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
