And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
