so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
