We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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