His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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