So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
