How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
