just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You ruined the universe
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
