His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
