I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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