Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
