I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
