Duck Duck Cougar?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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