Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
