I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
