and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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