If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize