Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm sobbing to NWA
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
