it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
