Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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