I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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