I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
