my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
