my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
