I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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