This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
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