dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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