Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
