We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
