just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
