every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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